“Destroying the work of God”

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything that will cause your brother or sister to fall. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. Romans 19-23

Verse Reflections:  I came within a mouse hair of tearing down weeks of the work of God today.  I wanted so badly to pig out and pea muff.  I went to the doctor today and had an ovarian tumor but it ended up just being a fibroid tumor.  It was an emotional roller coaster and then I had to spend an unbudgeted $600 on my car.  I feel wiped out.  I have on my pajamas at 6:00 at night and I am drawing close to God.  I did pig out but I have to allow myself that every once in a while.  I have to cling to the verse that says, “Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.”  Food is not bad.  Yes, I took in a week’s worth of sugar in one day, and probably three days of calories.  BUT, I did not pea-muff.  I allowed myself a weakness and clung to God’s promise that “all food is clean.”  I stumble, I have doubts.  Therefore for me it is a sin but I love the fact that for God it is not a sin.  Food does not separate Him from us, it separates us from Him.  I have a horrible headache from all the sugar.  Go figure.  And still I indulge.

Prayer:  Father, forgive me when I indulge in food.  Forgive me my lack of strength.  And yet, thank You for keeping me the next step.  Thank You for allowing me to forgive myself and jump back up on the horse while it is still running.  Thank you that tomorrow can be a good one, tonight, this minute can be a good one even with my pain.  You are stronger than my weakness and I claim this.  It actually helps me to know that all food is clean.  I am the one that allowed it to take a position that places it between You and I.  Now I have to change those positions so that I can see You at all times and take Your hand through this journey.  I am weak, You are strong.  Take my hand and walk me down this path I tend to take when I am stressed out.  Why do I make food a weapon?  Is it a mild punishment because I am not invincible?  A sword inserted to make the physical pain louder than the mental pain?  Do I choose a sugar rush as my drug of choice to give me a quick high when my spirits are low?  Is it a cry to You for help?  Do I want to overdose on food so that I am catatonic?  Is an aching stomach easier than focusing on the heartache I so easily (or not) push into a box and lock deep within?  Allow me knowledge that will grow me, mature me in my knowledge of why I change foods into weapons.  Allow me the knowledge of why I come so close to destroying Your work for the sake of food.  Give me the power to not make foods a weapon.  Thank You for the progress so far.  Wrap my day in Your grace.